Photo credit: Monica Weas (stock.xchng)
(Get it?)
When reporters from CNN were,
according to some circles, insufficiently
condemning of the two young men convicted of rape in Steubenville, Ohio, not
one but two petitions demanding an apology appeared on Change.org.
Leaving aside the question of why
the average CNN viewer – and not, say, the actual rape victim – warrants an
apology from the network, this drama got me thinking about apologies in
general…and why you shouldn’t demand
them even if you truly deserve them.
First of all, the true bad actors
among us really aren’t sorry. They can’t be; if they were, they wouldn’t be bad
actors. The bad actor will capitulate to a public apology in order to look good
and/or to get you to shut up. Do not be surprised when the bad actor makes the
same error again. And again.
Secondly, people with good hearts
who make errors out of ignorance become defensive when others make angry
demands. If I said something which was inadvertently offensive, a gently worded
statement as to how my words were offensive would, most likely, bring out an
apology from me. A shrill demand would not. That is human nature at work – no
one likes the sound of “gimme!”
When someone does wrong to us, it is
natural to get angry. It is natural to want life to be made right again,
preferably by the person who did wrong to you in the first place.
We should not let our anger turn us
into whiners, however. We should present a face of calm and let the offender
apologize in his or her own time – sincerely. If that sincere apology does not
come, we should rise above it and move on. Insist on reparations if justified – but apology is a moral, not legal, matter. As such, let’s take the high ground
and not become
Photo credit: IMJ Studios (stock.xchng)
(I’ll bet you get it now.)
No comments:
Post a Comment